The PMS Monster Rears Its Ugly Head

OK we all know I'm a little off in the head sometimes, well the period before my period is usually pretty fucking rough for me and anyone within a 500 foot radius of me.  However, for the past few months I haven't been so much of a monster.  I thought it was a combination of the yoga and the acupuncture but now I'm pretty sure it is just the acupuncture.

Three weeks ago the acupuncturist told me I was cured.  He said he did not need to see me anymore unless I had a flare up of sleeping issues or migraines.  I was skeptical but since he wasn't treating me for free I thought my wallet could use the break.  Huge mistake.  Monumental.

Today has been absolutely horrid.  First I cannot get enough food to eat.  I'm not kidding you, I've eaten everything I could possible find.  I ate two slices of pizza AND a plate of baked ziti for lunch.  I ate a pint of blackberries.  By. My. Self.  I ate chocolate cake for breakfast.  FOR BREAKFAST PEOPLE.  I'm afraid I might have eaten the baby if I had been allowed to hold it today.

I have cried unnecessarily four times today.  One of those times is because I didn't have a baby.  I don't even really want a fucking baby.

I have said the following things today:

"Hey old man... have you ever heard of elder abuse?  Well you are about to find out ALL about it."

"You got a night nurse?  Seriously?  Why don't you just see if someone else wants to raise the baby and maybe give it back to you when it is about five?"

"If these goddamn idiots are allowed to have baby then I should allowed to have a French Bulldog."  (Yes I equated a baby to a dog.  And no, I did not say this in front of the blessed parents.  I may be a bitch but I'm not that big of a bitch.)

"Please do not tell me y'all ate all of that fucking cake."

I need to see the acupuncturist ASAP tomorrow before y'all are hearing about me on CNN... Crazy PMSer Kills Entire Family For Eating The Last Of The Cake