Is This Asking Too Much?
Saturday Night 1:22a.m.
I have been a glutton tonight. I've eaten well and drank even better. I have flirted. Danced. And been thoroughly kissed as a woman such as myself should be. I drank two Ice Picks (sweet tea and vodka), a glass of wine, and a B & B at dinner. There were five Luxury Apple Martinis consumed at the next stop on the road to Hell. I am sipping ice cold vodka as I write. I am seriously drunk and I have had an epiphany. I now know want I want.
A tall boy between the ages of 26 and 37.
A single malt scotch drinker. Expensive single malt scotch.
A wine connoisseur. Or at least a boy who does not think screw top or wine in a box is classy.
A meat eater.
He must look good in a sports coat, oxford, and jeans. Thrown together yet sexy.
He needs to be well traveled or at least have the desire to travel.
A music lover is a must.
He needs to love to read and be able to discuss the books he has read at length.
He should be willing to play pool and darts even if he sucks.
He must know how to kiss a woman.
He won't mind that I like ice cold beer in a bottle.
He must be funny and have the ability to coax me out of a "mood".
He must accept me for the bitch that I am and find a way to work around it.
He must have beautiful eyes.
He must want to give me flowers even if it is a single daisy. And he must know when the flowers are needed the most.
He must accept my friends even if they are silly, bitchy twats.
He shouldn't care about holding my hand in public.
He must respect my opinion even if it is insane.
He knows it is ok that I work odd hours because I love my job.
He should know when to brush the bangs out of my face and when not to touch me.
He will accept me whether I am too fat or too skinny.
He will understand that sometimes I'm a little bit dirty and he won't be ashamed of that.
Scruff on the face is always good.
He will like it that I make him feel a little bit filthy at times.
He will like me when I am a raving drunk.
He will comfort me when I am an emotional wreck.
He will be a little boy yet still a man.
He will love it that I want to take care of him.
He won't mind when I send him flowers.
He will know exactly how to fuck me.
He will think I am adorable in sweats with no make up on and my hair in pigtails.
He must love art.
He won't give up on me just because sometimes I am work.
He must be smart.
He must challenge me intellectually.
He shouldn't be afraid to put me in my place.
He should accept and understand that I am friends with some of my ex's.
He should not make fun of Ryan Adams even if he thinks he sucks.
Whether I am bald, bushy, or in between will be of little concern to him.
He will like blowjobs.
It will be ok with him that sometimes we hang out with our "own" friends and not with each other.
It won't matter to him how we met, just that we found each other.
He will adore me and allow me to adore him.
(Decided to read some archives and fill in the middle of when I lost touch with your blog.)
you're not asking for too much. One of my friends tells me that she thinks I don't ask for enough. I'm willing to settle, just to have something
(ps - I love Ryan Adams)
Posted by:Closet Metro | Wednesday, October 19, 2005 at 07:56 PM
Your asking far too much. all hope is lost. Finish it now. but, then again all you get back from people is their "opinion" or "personal experience" and you already said you don't give a fuck about other people's opinion. so, there. yeah. i apologize if that was too mean. product of the environment.
Posted by:James | Monday, October 31, 2005 at 12:04 AM
Um, would typing "Gentleman" have been more efficient?
Posted by:Discombobulator | Friday, February 03, 2006 at 01:04 AM
fabulous list. it actually list criterias that MATTERS.
Posted by:SoW | Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 01:06 PM
So if I met all of the above criteria how would I go about applying?
Email me and we can talk about it.
Posted by:Paul | Sunday, April 09, 2006 at 08:07 PM