I Didn't Know It Would Be The Last

You called at 3 in the morning asking if you could come to {City Withheld} to see me. You told me you needed to hold me. You needed to kiss me. You wanted to smell that Lola smell you love so much, limes and cucumbers, fresh. I was overjoyed. "Please come. Hurry! You don't know how much I need to see you. Being away from you is killing me", I say.

You arrived at eight the next night. You checked into a hotel. I was puzzled by this but you explained you wanted me all to yourself. You didn't want to share me with The Roommate or C1 and C2. I didn't want to share you either. I sensed something was wrong though. You wouldn't talk about it. You just wanted to be with me.

You stayed for two weeks. Slowly you told me you couldn't handle being in {City Withheld 2} anymore. You wanted to move back west. Colorado or California. Or maybe we could live in Austin. All I heard was "we". I had been afraid this was the end. I had been trying to commit everything to memory because I thought we were doing our "lasts". Last dinner at our favorite restaurant. Last time to kiss in the hammock. Last time for you to wash my hair. Once you said "we" I quit trying to take mental snapshots. I relaxed. I breathed. You weren't here to end things. You were here to begin. Finally.

You asked me to come with you right then. "Lola, just pack up and let's go". For the first time in my life I was the practical one. We couldn't just pick up and go to California with no jobs. No place to live. You agreed with me, reluctantly. We made plans. I would fly out the first of October. You would be back for Ryan in November. I would be living with you before Christmas. I told you four months apart wasn't all that much when we had plans on how to see each other. You smiled sadly but you agreed with me. You said, "I never thought you would be the level headed one."

The morning you left was hectic. We overslept. I was late for work. We didn't make love. I can't even remember our last kiss now because I didn't know it would be the last one. I didn't fly out in October because I couldn't get off work. You didn't come back to see Ryan in November because your brother was in trouble. I wasn't living with you by Christmas because you weren't sure where we should live. Most days I don't regret not impulsively packing up and leaving with you that day. In my head I know I made the right decision. But my heart regrets not remembering that last kiss.

Comments

[James]

That's reality for you, sure is a bitch huh? haha, i love to hear about other people's pain, it reminds me of my own, and makes me feel. also kinda fucked up. oh well, hope life got better, but it rarely does for anyone for long. A wiseman once told me that life was shit and that i had better learn to deal with it. Frankly, i'm still sad that life is so fucking dissapointing.

[Ruby Tuesday]

maybe there is still one last kiss to come?

[J]

Your writing is addictive. Seriously, I'm meant to be looking for jobs but instead I've been reading down your "Get To Know Lola" list for the past while.

"But my heart regrets not remembering that last kiss." My chest did something funny when I read that line. I know what you mean. It's awful to not remember the last because you didn't know that that's what it was going to be.

J.

P.S. your music selection rocks.