Should I Come Out Of The Closet?

I received an email from a reader this weekend.  It seems that a name had suddenly appeared on some of my older posts.  This reader knew being anonymous was important to me.  I'm glad this person emailed me because I hardly ever look back at my old posts.  the reader didn't know if the name that appeared was my real name or not but they wanted me to be aware a name was there.

A while ago I had someone offer to help me with my design on Blogger.  When I switched to Typepad I moved all my old posts from Blogger.  The other night I was playing around with the footer that appears on my posts.  I guess I fucked something up because all my old Blogger posts said "Posted by __________" which was the name of the girl who helped design the layout on Blogger.  I'm unsure how this happened.  I do not have the patience or the time to figure it out and fix it so I just took the "Posted by" footer off all my posts.

All of this got me to thinking about coming out of the closet.  Some readers know who I am.  (Not that I'm anybody important.)  A few readers even know me in real life.  But how brave is it for me to post about work or past lovers without putting a name to it?  Is it truly brave to post about licking myself off some guy's cock when I hide behind anonymity?  Would I still post such outlandish things if people really knew who I was?  I hope I would but I fear I wouldn't.  So I'm considering revealing all.  What do y'all think?

Comments

[Jen]

Bravery has nothing to do with it.
Blogging isn't saving lives like firemen, cops and superheroes.

I wouldn't do it if I were you. You will regret it.

So are you saying the only people that are brave are firemen, cops, and superheroes? I'm certainly not trying to equate blogging with those types of jobs. But get serious, there are tons of types of bravery. I think bravery and fear has very much to do with it.

[White]

Hi,

Love your blog. But personally, I wouldn't enjoy it more or less if I knew your real name.

White

Thanks for the input.

[Bettejo]

Lola

You can't take words back once it's written. If in doubt, don't do it.

You are right Bettejo. Very right.

[Jen]

So you're saying that because you disagree that I'm not serious in my comment?
I didn't say only the professionals were brave, YOU decided that in your comment. The point was this blog, and revealing your identity. Not the whole of humanity and every day brave persons.

In case a refresher is in order, I said: "Blogging isn't saving lives...", I did not say: "Only firemen, cops and superheroes are brave...."
And, I AM serious.
Bravery v. balls, that's the issue here. The semantical difference being in the intent.
Outing yourself is balls, not bravery. You're not standing on a precipice, risking all for the greater good. You are about to open a door that more than likely will cause you great drama and flak.
The fear of which you referenced is what? The backlash you'd have to deal with? Backlash that you would have created by a.) making the posts in the first place, and b.) revealing your true identity.
I reiterate, bravery has nothing to do with it.
Balls, of the brass variety.

Whatever.
If you really want to out yourself, ask yourself if you can handle the crap that will ensue, and you will, on some level, censor yourself in any subsequent postings. There will always be a niggling somewhere in your brain of whether or not you should post this or or that, and will so and so get all hacked off or misinterpret bla bla bla.

Then the next step is adding freeking disclaimers, because god forbid you want to address something, but so and so will take it personally, or whoowhoo will think you have a problem with bla bla. THEN...the fuckers don't even believe the disclaimers.

But I think you knew all this already.

I don't fear backlash at all. If I did I wouldn't blog at all. I have never censored my posts or the reponses to my posts. Plenty of people who blog delete comments that they find offensive or not "in line" with their own thinking. Some bloggers moderate the comments before deciding whether post said comment or not. Backlash and disclaimers are not the point here. The point is you and I basically disagree of the definition of bravery. I think the people who post all for the world to see AND put their name to it are brave. You think they just have balls.

People in my real life already read my blog (Chicago, "Jason", and "Peter" to name a few.) I don't see much censorship or disclaimers where they are concerned. Of course, I could be completely wrong. Perhaps I don't have the balls to post as the real me.

And a refresher course isn't needed Jen. I'm perfectly capable of retaining what I read.

[Cosmopolitan]

Those who really want to know who you are in real life will figure it out somehow (trust me, I've done it before. Don't worry though - I haven't tried to crack YOUR identity.) At any rate, I would hate to see the tone of your writing change (if indeed it would.) I know I wouldn't write half the things I post if I weren't anonymous for the most part. Just my two cents...

You may be right Cosmo.

[Dawn]

Perhaps one question to ask yourself is would revealing your identity add to the quality of the blog? Or would it inhibit you from being so frank? I've always enjoyed the frankness of your blog and like Comopolitan, would hate to see that change.

Plus, if you ID yourself, you'll possibly ID others, at least to those who know you IRL. Would "Peter" and the lucky guy from whose cock you liked yourself want to be ID'd? I think if it were me I'd worry more about that than revealing my own identity because it's my business if I want to go public, but another thing altogether if I publicize the names, even by association, of friends and lovers.

Whatever you do, Lola, just keep writing!

I would hope not a thing would change but who knows. I guess I'm just a little ambivalent about the whole blog thing right now and who knows and who doesn't. Perhaps I just don't give a shit anymore.

As far as the people I write about I always change the name.

[ck]

i'd still read regardless; although i LOVE your pen name....i'd miss 'lola'.

Thanks CK.

[steph]

being outed sucks. (thank god my husband read my stuff) so, now i'm going with the whole- i don't give a fuck who knows... if it would hurt someone else- then i dont write it.
plus, when you get your book deal- everyone will know you anyway. :-)

I promised The Mommy if I ever wrote a book I would use a nom de plume.

[Petitedov]

Although i'm a nosey little fucker and would like to know your "real" name. I say remain anonymous. I think anonymity gives people a little bit more room to write truthfully without censoring oneself. Also I kind of like the fact that you have this secret identity - i don't know if i wanted to really know the inner most thoughts of people i actually know on a casual basis. For me it's not about being brave, it's about keeping private things private. I know that a little bit of a paradox, seeing how you talk about v. personal things. The only way i can explain it is that i met a girl who i got to know through a blog, she wrote all kinds personal stories specifically her sexscapades. And i find myself a little bit creeped out knowing her sexual preferences and personal stuff that i felt i had no right in knowing while being around her. Maybe i'm a prude or just like the mystery. Saying all that, do whatever feels right in your gut. I'll still be reading. :)

You know, Chicago emailed me about my "Shit, Shit, Shit" post. He said he really could have done without it. So I get exactly what you are talking about. I'm the same way. I read certain blogs (and even comments here) and think "I had no need to know such information." Of course then I turn right around a write about the guy with the too big dick or fucking someone on the first date. I'm beginning to think this whole blog thing is insanity.

Eh, who needs to be brave about a blog? I wouldn't go public considering how personal you get -- people lose their jobs, friends, etc. It wouldn't add anything for those of us who don't know you, or, I suppose, for those who do. Besides, I'd worry that you might self-censor if you knew, for example, that your Mom was reading.

The funny thing is I talk to The Mommy about everything I write here. She's a pretty open person. The only reason she made me promise to write under a nom de plume is she doesn't want her firends to know what a bitch she can be. ;)

[Pearatty]

Also, last time I interviewed for a job, the interviewer had googled me and had come up with random school photos of me. If I'd had a blog with my real name on it . . .

(the previous comment was mine, btw.)

Yeah googling can be a real bite in the ass.

[Min]

I wouldn't.

When I started my blog, I wanted to remain completely anonymous. Since then, I've started a long-distance friendship with one of my readers, posted "obscure" pics of me on it and now most of my friends read it too. Sometimes I wish I had stayed with the anonymity.

So I wouldn't.

And yes, it will bite you in the ass later.

But no, it wouldn't change my reader routine towards your blog otherwise. I love your blog. :)

Thanks Min.

[Caryn]

I like that you're anonymous. I think I just like that added mysteriousness and tease to all that you write. (And everyone knows fantasies seldom live up to the realities.) And I agree with the people who would be sad to see your posts change if you were to ID yourself; I'd be sad too. Yours has become one of my favorite blogs lately. But I'll keep reading no matter what. (I don't think I just said anything different than anyone above has said, but I'm just adding my pennies.)

Also (I don't mean it the same way Jen did) but I'm not sure it's about bravery either. Just do what feels right for you, lady.

Basically I'm in a shit ass mood so nothing feels right to me.

[CLC]

Everyone has already said everything here I s'pose, but as a inevitably late to the party poster (damn Pacific Standard Time) I figured I would insert my 2 cents:

I have recently become aware that it is possible for people to track you down if they really want to even when you profess a veil of anonymity in cyberspace, and, as such, it seems almost silly to keep up a pretense of anonymity, but I can't help but think that it would take away from your ability to write freely. I too have friends who read my blog, but not a lot of them, and have found myself, even with my limited audience that knows me "in real life" to feel rather self conscious about certain topics. For instance a recent post re. a certain bad for me boy. I have thought though that maybe actually sticking at least my first name on my posts might give me a greater sense of ownership of what I say. But I think it would really just lead to a lot of self-censorship.

In addition, even if you can be tracked down ultimately, using a veil of anonymity gives you plausible deniability, which, at least for professional/employment reasons, is probably important. Or it could just be that my line of work makes me paranoid. But you get the idea...

What you say makes a lot of sense.

[Ursula]

I'd stay in the closet, but that's just me. I've been hiding in a closet the many years I've been "journalling" online.

I thought you posted pictures of yourself?

[buckers]

I think it has alot less to do with bravery than with prudence . . .
you're brave enough; you've aready proven it even though you never had to. if someone happens to id you, whether you mean them to or not, no sweat, you could handle it . . . however revelation could border on encouraging stalkers . . .
bref : naw, not worth it.

Perhaps it isn't worth it.

[The Macek Collective]

We already know your last name. Or at least what it will be once we have our $99 elvis wedding.

Mrs. Macek Collective does have a lovely ring to it.

[Sarah]

I concur. Don't do it. Start a new one for your more public stuff and don't link them. I'd love to blog anonymously too. It's a great outlet.

I'm too damn lazy to start another blog.

[misplacedpom]

What would happen if a prospective employer got curious and googled you?

Stay in the closet!!!

I guess they would have to think twice about hiring me.

[Mister Hand]

As you know, some of my best friends already read my blog. Sometimes I have to be very aware of my internal filter and make a point to ignore it. But I've never had qualms about saying inappropriate things, or sharing embarrassing tidbits of information about myself to anyone. And I also know that my friends won't take it personally or give me shit about it. If they did, I would explain very carefully the whole idea of blogging and tell them if they read something they don't like, they can fuck themselves sideways.

"Fuck themselves sideways." Ha!

[astrocoz]

Ok, this is my thought...Do what is comfortable for you. If you are more comfortable remaining anonymous, then remain as Lola.

See, I don't really try to be anonymous on my blog, because I am pretty much the same person in real life. A lot of things I write there, I would or have said before and those that know me IRL, know this.

The only people I keep my blog from is my family and my boyfriend. And really, I don't keep it from them, because they could find it with little effort. They know its there, but they kinda don't care to read it. OK, my boyfriend probably would read it if I sent him the link, but he doesn't have the attention span for the computer to go and search it out and he wouldn't obsess over it. My mother is psycho and I wouldn't ever volunteer the address, however she is also a very busy person and doesn't have time to keep tabs on me like that.

If they found it, I probably would be uneasy about it for a few days, but then I would be over it. And I am comfortable with that. There was a time where I was not comfortable with that, but its passed. So, I say go with your comfort level. If you aren't comfortable letting everyone know who you are, then so be it.

So, Miss Lola, just do what is right for you and to hell with everyone else. Be true to yourself.

I'm pretty much the same person too. Just ask Macek.

[nukie310]

Stay Anonymous. You will always be double guessing your posts if you don't

Perhaps.

[Ursula]

I do, but that is the beauty of livejournal. I am able to pick and choose my audience, I treasure the friends only posting option. The only pictures I post publicly are what I consider my artwork.

Well all I know is the pictures you post are beautiful.

[Eeek]

Personally I would love to see what you look like.

Personally I like to know a bit more about the person asking before I reveal such a private thing. And even then I don't usually do it.

[Murph]

I have a bar napkin tacked to the bulletin board above my desk with a brilliant sentiment from a college friend that seems appropriate here (the original inspiration of which is lost in an mythic-alcoholic haze): "There is no dignity in reality."

Stay put in AnonymousLand. . .at least until one of these folks comes across with a three-book deal.

Three book deal?!?!?!? Fuck Murph, you have more confidence in me than I have in myself.

[Closet Metro]

I like that you're anonymous and mysterious. You're whoever I picture you to be.

(And in my imagination, you're totally hot.)

Poor, misguided Metro.

[The Seeker]

I wouldn't post your real name. It's hard enough to write some stuff down. Sorry. It's true. Why make it even harder?

[Anonymous]

Stay anonymous! Anonymity is delicious.

Is your email address some sort of suggestion?

[Rye]

stay anonymous, the results aren't worth the potential grief.

IMO