Watching
I watch you sleeping. I can't help it. I'm positive you will disappear if I close my eyes for one brief second. I watch your chest rise and fall while I try to synchronize our breathing. My eyes grow heavy but I fight sleep because I know you won't be there when I wake up. I feel my eyes start to burn with tears. The lump in my throat makes it hard to swallow. Why do I have to be this insecure? Why can't I just let things happen?
I rest my hand on your stomach so I can feel you breathing. I want to kiss you. Kissing you is one of my most favorite things in the world. You taste like happiness to me. I still get butterflies in my stomach when you kiss me. Just like the very first time. You roll over and pull me closer in your sleep. I can't see you now. I struggle to move away so I can keep watching you. I must stay awake so you don't disappear.
The alarm clock goes off. I wake up confused and unsure of when I fell asleep. I tried so hard to stay awake watching you breathe. I roll over to reach for you. You aren't there. You are gone. Somehow, in my heart, I know even if you haven't really disappeared today you will eventually. It's just a matter of time.
That was beautiful...
Thank you.
Posted by:newlywifed | Thursday, February 23, 2006 at 07:18 AM
I'll echo that ... powerful imagery and emotion.
Perhaps too much emotion.
Posted by:Discombobulator | Thursday, February 23, 2006 at 08:56 AM
:( Don't project the failure of the realtionship...enjoy it and let it happen. You might be shocked....it might work out.
This is a memory.
Posted by:LT | Thursday, February 23, 2006 at 11:34 AM
stop watching me
You wish it were you I was watching.
Posted by:ho | Thursday, February 23, 2006 at 11:51 AM
Sometimes I think we share a brain.
It's good to know there are others who feel like I do.
Posted by:Heather | Thursday, February 23, 2006 at 01:13 PM
We've all been there - When you lose yourself in the thoughts of watching someone and wondering why they are with you and will they leave or will they find out the things about you that you hide...
Thanks for sharing that
The Mad Dater,
"Because there's a Bastard in all of us"
Sometimes it's the things you hide that the really need to know to know you fully as a person.
Posted by:The Mad Dater | Thursday, February 23, 2006 at 02:03 PM
Awesome, Lola. My sentiments exactly. I had a guy like that in my life - and I miss kissing him more than anything... forbidden fruit that he was.
Does this guy love you? Can he?
This guy is a memory. Whether he can or did love me is no longer important.
Posted by:Duffy | Thursday, February 23, 2006 at 03:03 PM