I Think There May Be Something Seriously Wrong With Me

More Whining

If you work for an insurance company or a drug company and don't set the policies let me first start by saying I'm sorry for the following. 

FUCK YOU, YOU DIRTY FILTHY INSURANCE COMPANIES!  AND YOU WHORING DRUG COMPANIES TOO!

OK I feel a little better.  As I've written before I need really good health insurance. And as I've written here I have a few problems with insurance companies and I suppose drug companies too.  I have two chronic conditions, asthma and migraines, which call for some expensive medications.  I was able, when I quit/lost my job to get insurance that covered both pre-existing conditions which was helpful.  Not everyone is so lucky.  However, the insurance only covers generic medications.  I could have gotten a more expensive policy which covered all medications but it cost a small fortune.  (And the premiums have since gone up.)  When I first quit/lost my job I was on only one really expensive medication so I decided to just suck it up and pay for that medication each month and just live with it.

In the past few months I have been put on a new asthma medication which cost $178 a month and a new preventative medication for my migraines which cost $232 a month on top of the Imitrex I take when I get a migraine which is $178 a month for only nine pills.  (None of these medications are generic yet.)  My yearly medication bill is now $7800.  I shit you not.  You are not misreading that figure.  SEVENTY EIGHT FUCKING HUNDRED DOLLARS! 

Yes I did choose to go back to school and not work.  I realize I chose my lot in life to pursue a dream I've had for a long time but right now I feel like giving up.  OK I'm not giving up because I'm not a quitter.  (OK some of you might say I quit my job but that doesn't count.  I'm not a quitter when it really counts.) 

Someone suggested I look into those programs that drug companies offer to help people reduce the costs of their medications.  Did you know that you can only qualify for those medications if you have NO drug coverage on your insurance policy?  Does this make sense to you?  I'm willing to pay for some of my medications because I can but I can't afford to pay the huge premiums that would cover all my medications and for this I'm penalized.  I've got to be missing something here right?

This truly doesn't make sense to me.  I can only get help from the drug companies if I'm really poor not if I'm only a little bit poor.  So do I cancel my drug benefits completely so I can qualify even though I know I can afford to pay for some of them and I think that's the wrong thing to do or do I just continue to be angry?  That sentence doesn't make sense.  I mean I want to pay for all my medications and I can but it's a struggle some months.  So I could cancel my drug benefits with my insurance policy so I could get help through the drug companies or I could continue doing what I'm doing.  Neither one seems like a good or fair choice.

FUCK YOU INSURANCE COMPANIES AND YOUR HIGH PREMIUMS AND FUCK YOU DRUG COMPANIES AND YOUR GODDAMN EXPENSIVE DRUGS.

And yes I know I could get off my fat ass and go get a job that offers great health insurance and quit my goddamn whining.

PS  The good thing is the preventive drug for the migraines is also sometimes given to "crazy" people so maybe it'll help me in ways other than just my migraines.  ;)

PPS  Yes I realize what a whiny fucking bitch I sound like and I absolutely hate being this way but I hate the insurance companies and the drug companies more.  I apologize.

Waaaah! Waaaah! Waaaah!

I want a new fucking design for this shit ass blog.  I HATE THIS DESIGN.  Well I like my header a little bit.

And a chauffeur to drive me right to the door to school for each of my classes because it is to hot to walk.

And if I can't have a chauffeur then I need a PUH (personal umbrella holder) and a PFH (personal fan holder) because I am motherfucking hot.

OK back to acclimating to not being a slacker.

First Week Of School

For the five or so of you who still stop by on a semi-regular basis there will be no posting this week.  I have to get used to not being a total slacker.  The only way there will be any posts this week is if something totally fabulous or totally tragic happens.  (Or if someone desperately needs some Ask Lola advice that just can't wait.)  Come back next week.

PS Did I really choose to go back to school?  Did I?  Really?  Fuuuuuck.  I must be seriously deranged.

PPS  I hate people who don't return phone calls or emails in a timely manner. HATE IT!

"I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker."

Last night I was feeling a bit down in the dumps.  I'm pretty sure it has to do with the end of summer, school starting, the fact that I can't afford these, and recent thoughts of The Boy.  I decided watching Anchorman would make me feel better.  So I rented it and invited J over to watch it.

J arrived, saw the Blockbuster bag on my bed and said, "You own Anchorman dumbass."  There is definitely something seriously wrong with me if I can't even remember what movies I own.

Ask Lola - Comfort Level

No one sent me an Ask Lola this week so I'm asking y'all a question.

So as you all know I'm going to see RYAN FREAKIN' ADAMS in October.  I am going with Future Alcoholic.  I haven't written much about Future Alcoholic but she has been around.  She works alot and she works weird hours.  She also drinks alot and seriously I just can't hang.  Actually I suppose I could hang out with her and not drink but she goes to some pretty offbeat places that just aren't my style.  She did join me to see the totally asskickingness that was Catfish Haven and Lucero a few weeks ago and we are going to see Lucero again in a few weeks but normally we don't hang out all that much.  Once in a blue moon blah, blah, blah...

Future Alcoholic is poor.  And I'm not being mean.  I mean I'm poor too but sometimes I forget I'm poor.  I didn't used to be poor but then I quit/lost my job.  Anyway, Future Alcoholic is poor and what money she does have she likes to spend in a responsible manner.  She is trying to pay off her car this year.  Well maybe she isn't actually trying to pay it off but she has decided she wants to pay a certain amount on it this year above and beyond the actual payment amount so all her "extra" money goes towards that.  And beer.  And cigarettes.

Now if you know anything about me from reading this blog you know I have some expensive tastes.  I like to eat at nice restaurants and stay in nice hotels.  (And buy nice makeup.  And shoes.  And handbags.)  We were discussing where to stay when we go to Nashvegas for Ryan Adams and I suggested the Sheraton.  It is practically right across the street from the venue and it isn't that expensive.  She freaked.  She suggested another motel which shall remain nameless.  It is an "outie."

Do you know what an outie is?  It is a motel that opens up to the outside.  I'm not allowed to stay in outies.  My mom said so.  Outies are scary.  So here is my question, do I just suck it up and stay in the outie because she is poor and be uncomfortable the whole time or do I just pay for the hotel room myself because I'll be much happier at the Sheraton?

I guess she really would have freaked about where I wanted to stay if we had gone to Chicago.

Dear The Boy

Dear The Boy,

Everywhere I turn these days there is something that reminds me of you.  I was doing so good for a while.  I didn't think about you hardly at all.  I wonder, do you ever think of me?  I can't imagine that you do what with the wife and kids and all.  Except sometimes I imagine that you do simply because you still tried to stay in contact after you had the wife and kid.  Sometimes I regret cutting off contact with you.  Rarely, but sometimes.  Like today.  But I suppose you could find me if you really wanted to.   

I've sat down to write this letter a dozen times.  I even imagined actually sending it to you.  I won't, but I imagine it.  I also imagine you being terribly unhappy in your life now. Without me.  Are you happy?  I know you don't want to believe it, especially with me admitting imagining you in an unhappy life, but I do hope you are happy.  That's really all I ever wanted for you.  And for me.  I was so sure we could be happy together. 

I was cleaning my closet the other day and found a picture of us from MusicFest.  I must have thrown it in there during one of my fits of rage.  It was way on the back of the top shelf.  We looked so happy.  Really, really happy.  Not fake camera happy but truly happy.  How did we fall so far?  You have a copy of it somewhere or you did.  I wonder if you still have it?  I hope you don't.  For your wife's sake.

Have you heard the new Ryan Adams'?  I'm sure you have.  I was on vacation when it came in the mail so I didn't listen to it all the way through until the other day.  When I was cleaning my closet.  Funny how things work out that way.  Fitting actually, considering where my love of Ryan began.  Someone, somewhere must be trying to tell me something.  Two songs made me think of you.  I'm sure you could pick out which two without even thinking very hard.  You always knew me so well.  But not quite well enough. 

I wish I could tell you how sorry I am for all the hateful things I said to you but I can't.  Somedays I am sorry and somedays I still hate you with every fiber of my being.  Cliche I know.  I wonder if hypnosis would help?  Even though I do still hate you sometimes I do hope you are happy as crazy as that sounds. 

I just wanted you to know I'm still as crazy as I always was.  It's a good thing you got out when you did.  And most days, though not today, I know it's a good thing I got out when I did.

Shocking I Know

I saw this over at Things In Your Head and knew I had to try it out.  I'm simply shocked at the results.  Shocked I tell you.  Me? A romantic?  Simply not possibly.  None of that needing to be practically worshipped stuff sounds even vaguely familiar to me.

I took Sage Vivant's Erotic Personality Quiz and discovered I'm a Romantic!

The Romantic can think of nothing more erotic than being saved from peril. They are not necessarily helpless people, but the notion of being saved makes them feel desirable and sexy. The Romantic needs to feel sought-after and practically worshipped before sex can be on the agenda. They imagine partners who not only make passionate love to them soon after saving them, but they imagine those partners will know how to please them without any instruction whatsoever. Their lover’s sexual finesse inspires their own, heightening their capacity for sexual pleasure. The Romantic is especially fond of people who can read their minds and deliver the sexual excitement that they secretly desire.

What is your Erotic Personality? Find out now..

PS  On another note, I'm totally sick of the design of this blog.  Any ideas?  Suggestions?  Offers to totally redesign it for me?

"A woman who doesn't wear perfume has no future." Coco Chanel

The other day I was enjoying a very nice correspondence with a reader when she pointed out that though I often write about beauty products I hardly ever mention perfume.  She is absolutely right.  I have written about perfume only on a few occasions.  It is not that I don't like perfume or that I don't wear perfume; it is just that I don't think about perfume that much.  I suffer from excruciating migraines and certain smells either can trigger a migraine or make one that much worse.  Therefore I very rarely try new fragrances.  I stick to the same few tried and true ones.

My favorite perfume for special occasions is Shalimar.  Someone once told me Shalimar was an "old lady" perfume.  It may very well be but it holds a special place in my heart.  The Mommy used to wear Shalimar and when I was younger I wore it all the time because when I smelled it I felt closer to her.  As I grew older I realized wearing it made me feel girly.  And sexy.  Shalimar isn't an old lady perfume.

I also wear Fahrenheit.  And yes I know it's a mens fragrance.  I don't wear it very often at all.

I adore Kiehl's Original Musk and in the summer I wear Cucumber Oil or a mixture of cucumber lime from a little store here in town.

Sometimes I wear Rain.  And I also like Ginger Essence and Ginger with a Twist.

On a daily basis I usually wear Ocean mixed with Salt Air.  I know y'all have trouble imagining me wanting to smell like the beach right?

So there you have it.  Now you know what I smell like.  Except for when I decide not to bathe for three days.  Then I smell like ass.

Any other questions?

Baby I'm A Fool For You

I HAVE RYAN ADAMS TICKETS!!!!!!

As you may know earlier this summer I missed seeing my future ex husband when he played very near my house because I was on vacation.  Since I have been home from vacation I have been trying to figure out a way to see him play.

We thought about going to Chicago but seriously... Chicago?  Not so much.  I mean if I had to go to Chicago to see him I would because I adore him but I really didn't want to.  Too many temptations and too many bad memories.  (Besides I'm pretty sure I have to go to Chicago before the end of the year anyway so why go twice.)

We thought about going to St. Louis but I really didn't want to drive to St. Louis.  Hell, I don't even like to drive across town.

Yesterday presale tickets went on sale for Nashvegas.  So Nashvegas it is.  I'm so excited I might piss myself.  I can hardly wait til October 23rd.

Ask Lola - Love Advice

Dear Lola,

   I am having major problems in the love department, and I would love if you could help me. I have no one I can talk to and no one that would understand. I am in my early 20's and have never been in a relationship. Right now I have someone I have been interested in for a little while, and sometimes believe he is interested in me. The problem is that he keeps sending me mixed signals- one day he will be all over me, and the next, he will completely ignore me. When he does pay attention to me, I know something is there; but those days when we're like total strangers, I begin to doubt myself and get extremely frustrated and depressed. I know I should have been way over this by now, but there is absolutely no one else I am interested in, and my heart keeps telling me to stay with it; and I can't make the first move because when I try, those days when he ignores me floods my head, and I doubt myself even more. I guess sometimes he makes a move, but then maybe something I do turns him away. I'm tired of the emotional anguish and just really need some help.
Thanks.

I’m not sure I’m the person to be giving love advice but here it goes. 

Mixed signals suck and we all send them at one time or another in our lives.  We also all receive them which sucks even more.  I know you said you can't make the first move but I think in this case you really must.  If you think he is into you but somedays he isn't maybe he is afraid of rejection. 

Making the first move is really, really scary.  Trust me, I know.  Here is the thing though.  You can continue on the way you are being miserable and not knowing what is going on or you can just dive in and find out what the fuck the deal is. 

If you don't want to make an actual move on him perhaps you could just have a discussion with him about what's going on.  I know that sounds scary.  IT IS SCARY!  But living like you are now is just making you miserable and no one should be miserable.  (Except for The Boy and Selfish Asshole.)   (I'm kidding.  Mostly.)  Maybe this guy is just as miserable as you are.  Maybe he is shy or just can't believe someone as wonderful as you would be interested in him.  Make his day and let him know you are all his for the taking.

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist and I do not play one on tv but I have lots of opinions and adore sharing them. Follow the advice at your own risk. If you read the blog much you know I suck at pretty much everything but shopping.

Reliving The Past Sure Can Be a Kick In The Ass

The other night while I was enjoying the kick ass musical stylings of Catfish Haven and Lucero I ran into someone I knew during college.  (My first go around of college.)  The conversation went like this...

M:  Don't I know you?

L:  Perhaps in a former life.

M:  You were ________________'s girl.  (He used a former boyfriend's last name as guy's so often do.)

L:  Um yes I suppose one might describe me that way but I like to think of myself as so much more.

M:  Why didn't we ever hook up?  Damn, we should have hooked up.

L:  It couldn't possibly be because I was _______________'s girl now could it?  (And yes I said girl in the most bitchy, derogatory tone I could muster.)

M:  Are you on the market now?

L:  Ummmmm, no.

I'm really not sure what pissed me off more.  The fact that he referred to me as someone's girl and that seems all I was worthy of being remember as or the fact that he was so fucking cocky to think I would fall at his feet if he asked if I was on the market.

Where do these men come from?  Later on in the evening he danced by me screaming, "I love this song let's do a shot!!!"  I realized then that he was still living his life like he was at an SAE party.

I emailed __________ the next day to tell him of my little encounter because I thought he would get a kick out of it.  (Yes this many years later we are still in touch on a rather regular basis.)  His response was, "Well you were my girl.  That's who you were... ___________'s girl."

Asshole.

Ask Lola - Not Getting F*cked Over At Work

Lola,

My new supervisor confided in me that my partner wants to be seen as the "leader" but she can't ever get anything done. The plan she's thinking of is for some of my duties to be shifted to our admin so that I can pick up the slack for my partner. I'm thinking this scenario leaves me as the one with no true identity in the office and it's unfair since I always get my work
done and deal with office issues. What would you do to avoid this plan being put into action?

Resentful Cube Dweller

Dear RCD,

My first thought is no fucking way. I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you sooner. This is a totally unacceptable position you are in. If I were you I would tell your new supervisor exactly what you have told me. Explain to her that you want to be seen as a leader and that it would be unfair for you to pick up the slack for your partner. Show the supervisor that you do get your work done on time, deal with office issues, and have no need for someone to take up your slack. Explain that you feel ready for a leadership position and are more than able to take on the role without having to have someone else take part of your workload. If the supervisor still insists on helping your partner become the "leader" then start looking for a new job. If they are willing to "promote" someone who can't or won't get her work done then you don't need to work there. That's just my opinion.

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist and I do not play one on tv but I have lots of opinions and adore sharing them. Follow the advice at your own risk. If you read the blog much you know I suck at pretty much everything but shopping.

I Think That Lizard Was Trying To Tell Me Something

I have a huge fear of sharks.  This stems from an incident when I was five which involved me being yanked out of the water while The Mommy screamed shark.  It wasn't a shark my mom saw that day but I've been scarred every since.  It's a joke in my family.  I don't go in the ocean unless someone is on "Shark Patrol" and I usually prefer it to be The Mommy doing the patrolling.

Usually when I am in Puerto Rico I only go to two beaches on a regular basis.  I'm a creature of habit.  While E was visiting I decided we should try a new beach.  I found out that the club my parents belong to also gives you privileges at another club that was actually closer to the house.  I also learned that the new club had two breakwaters so we could swim in a lagoon type situation instead of just open water like the regular club.  This appealed to me because swimming in open water makes me nervous plus the undertow in PR is rough.  Really rough, so swimming in a lagoon type situation really, really appealed to me.

As we walked into the pool area of the club a lizard jumped on my head.  PR is full of lizards.  I've learned to live with it but I've never actually had one jump on me.  I freaked out.  I screamed at E, "What's on my head?"  He screamed back, "A lizard!!!"  (He really hates lizards.)  Then he whacked me in my head with his cast.  I fucking kid you not.  His cast was on his right arm and he is right handed so I think he just naturally tried to rid my head of the lizard with the hand he is most used to using.  Regardless, the lizard vacated my head.  I should have turned around right then and gone home.

After I composed myself we made out way to the beach.  The beach was beautiful, the water was calm, and there were very few people milling about.  PERFECT.  E grabbed some beach chairs and I proceeded to sun myself why he drank himself silly.  After awhile we were both hot so we decided to swim.  I was about waist deep in the water when some kid yelled shark.  (Actually he yelled tiburón but I certainly knew what that meant.)  Of course E and I ignored him because we thought it was just some kid messing around.  There were about 10 people in the water around us.  Then more people start yelling shark.  (They were really yelling shark not tiburón.)  I turn around and about 25 feet away I see a fin.  Let me tell you I have never moved so fast in my entire life.  THERE WAS A FUCKING SHARK IN THE WATER WHERE I WAS SWIMMING!!!!!  (And yes I know there are sharks in the ocean but that doesn't mean I have to be reminded of it in such a vivid and scary manner.)

So I go running out of the ocean freaking out.  I call The Mommy, who was home with a migraine, she thought I was kidding about the shark and didn't find it funny at all.  When she realized I was not kidding she told me to come home immediately.  I totally agreed with her but E thought we should hang around and see what happened.  So we did.

We watched the shark for about four hours.  The word was that somehow it had gotten trapped in the lagoon during high tide and couldn't get back over the rocks.  So after about two hours some guys waded out in the water and set a net.  It still took another two hours for the shark to swim into the net.  (Thank God there was a pool right by the beach or I would have died from heat stroke.)  Eventually they caught the shark.  They killed it.  As much as I dislike sharks I'm not sure why they killed it instead of just throwing it back over the rocks.

So a shark almost ate me and I think that lizard was trying to warn me about it.

Oh and we had already made reservations to go snorkeling the next day.  How scared do you think I was to get in the water?

PS Sorry about the quality of these videos but it was the best I could do with a cell phone.

Oh. My. F*cking. God.

Words cannot express what I experienced tonight.  I'm pretty sure I orgasmed at least 72 times.  My sexy is totally back.  Now I just need to find someone to share it with.

PS I totally scammed backstage passes too.  JT can rock my body anytime.  And I'm totally a new fan of Good Charlotte.  And I'm totally gonna puke sometime here soon.

UPDATE:

UGH.  I am too old to be staying out late and playing like I'm twenty-something.  I want to die.

Tonight...

I'm getting my sexy back.  (And probably acting like a lush while I'm at it.)