I Suck! I'm A Freaking Weirdo Who Sucks.

Let me just tell you people something you might not already know... I suck at dating.  I know you are completely shocked and this confession has rocked you to your core.  Unfortunately it is true.  In fact you might remember I went TWO WHOLE YEARS without sex simply because I hate to date so very fucking much.

So now I have a date.  Today.  FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!  Now you may find yourself asking, "Lola why did you agree to a Sunday date?"  Yeah, I know, but circumstances prevented a Friday date (he had plans), a Saturday date (I had Botox Saturday morning and needed to just chill), so Sunday it was or wait til next weekend.  We decided not to wait.  And now I find myself wishing we had.

For the purpose of any stories that might be published here we will now refer to him a PW.  (Try and figure that one out.)  PW is someone I knew many years ago.  In fact we actually went out on one date when we were both too young to know what we were doing.  Unfortunately at that time I was madly in love with Ex-Sex and PW knew it so he did not pursue me even though he swears he had a "HUGE crush" on me.  Recently we reconnected through the power of the Internet.  (It really is scary.)

PW and I exchanged a few emails and then I explained to him I was about to embark on a driving adventure.  I mean we were literally emailing when I should have been walking out the door of my mother's house.  He asked for my number and I gave it up with relative ease.  (OK not really I made him work for it.)

Oddly enough about two and half hours into my trip he called.  We talked for two hours.  TWO HOURS!  Then later that evening he called me and we talked for eight hours.  Yes you did just read EIGHT HOURS.  Be glad you weren't on the road with me on Thursday because I had exactly 3.5 hours of sleep before the second leg of my trip.

During one of those conversation he asked me if I was dating anyone.  I said, "I don't date."  He said, "You mean you aren't dating anyone now, right?"  I said, "No, I don't date.  I had a run of bad luck and it's just not even fucking worth it anymore."  (Overshare?  Perhaps.)  So he asked if since I didn't date would I like to just meet up and eyeball each other.  Eventually I agreed.  (Seriously, I didn't say yes until we were ready to get off the phone at 4:00 a.m.)

He keeps referring to our plans as our "not-a-date date."  He also asked me yesterday if I was ready to "come out of my little princess castle and play with the rest of the world."  It's scary how well he gets me. 

So now I'm sitting here freaking out.  About what you ask?  Well what the fuck am I going to wear?  Will there be kissing?  Will he like me?  Do I like him?  And you know what?  It is way too early to be freaking out over this bullshit.  What the fuck is wrong with me?  It's one goddamn not-a-date date.

Oh and to top everything else off he works in the news business and his name begins with "B".  (If you are new here just know that I went through a string of news people and a string of "B" named boys in my youth because I can;t be bothered to find the entries pertaining to those events because I AM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT HERE.)

I cannot believe I'm having this type of reaction.  Seriously.  I mean I know I'm high strung and all but I feel like I need about 6 Xanax to reach a level where it is acceptably to leave the house.

Fuck!  Fuck!  Fuck!

Will there be kissing?

Comments

[Tug]

Wow, can't wait to hear how the non-date turned out!

Kissing?

[QueenB]

You are a fucking weirdo and shouldn't be allowed out of your princess fairy castle, botox, get a fucking grip vain dumb bitch

A mass amount of swearing... = trying to appear cool... = failing to appear cool

EMOOOO

Oh you've gone and hurt my little feelings.